I wanted to wave the white flag of surrender today. The baby got up three times last night, the toddler wanted to start his day before the sun was up, and frankly, I woke up exhausted.
By the time Seth got home from work, my patience was gone, the kids were both terribly grumpy and all I wanted to do was escape to Starbucks and mindlessly scroll through tabloids (which I am pretty much doing now).
Sometimes the days are LONG and hard. Sometimes I want to pull out my hair by 10am. Why isn't the house clean? Why can't the kids put themselves to bed or cook their own dinner?
Just because I'm having a crap day doesn't mean I'm a bad mom. It doesn't mean I don't love my kids.
My bad day doesn't define me.
I will wake up tomorrow and thank the Lord for his mercy. I will ask for forgiveness for yelling a little too loud at my children. For being impatient when all he wanted was to read the same book for the 934th time. For wanting to scream when the baby knocks over the dog water bowl over and over again (you'd think I'd learn how to put it up high) or has a mouthful of dog food.
Motherhood is so sanctifying and humbling. I have learned that parenthood is not about being easy. God uses it to strip away our independence and reveal our sin that keeps us from abiding in Him. The impatience, the irritability, the selfishness, the discontent. He is refining me daily, and boy does he use my kids as a vessel. ;) While painful at times and definitely uncomfortable, the sanctifying work of parenthood has been good and necessary.
I came across this , i can't remember the source:( , but think it's spot on.
"Many people describe marriage as the laboratory where our spiritual growth is fostered and developed. I find it to be equally true of parenting as well. God has used parenting in my life to refine and change me in ways I had not anticipated. He’s given me a child who requires more than I was trained to handle so that I would depend on him and not my own strength. I’ve also learned things about myself I never knew and have seen things in my heart I never wanted to see. I’ve come face to face with sins I didn’t know were buried deep inside. And then God opened my eyes to see that something else was going on beneath the surface of my parenting challenges. I learned the reason why parenthood is often so hard — God uses parenthood to strip away our independence and the sin that keeps us from abiding in him. My true need wasn’t to find the perfect ‘get your child to sleep’ system or the best potty training program or even the top ten ways to get my kids to clean up after themselves, rather it was to see my desperate need to rely on the grace of God. Many times I sought joy and contentment in how perfectly behaved my children are or how smoothly my day went. Yet God knew that what I needed most is only found in him."
So on these days where I want to throw in the towel, I find myself praising the Lord for his steadfast love and forgiveness. For new mercies and grace.
Keep on keeping on, mommas. You are raising tiny disciples. Your work is the most important thing right now and God has called you to this by no mistake. The challenges you face always point to Him and he is refining you through them. He takes our ashes and makes them beautiful.
You can do it. Breathe in and breathe out. And have a little chocolate and caffeine while you're at it.