09 March 2015

Though You slay me

Can I just say THANK YOU so very much for every single text, phone call, facebook message, or comment on my blog that I have received from my post earlier.  It means so much to me and I have found great comfort in your stories and words. 

We are doing good.

It still hits me hard some days.  Randomly, it will hit me.  in the car.  at breakfast.  when i see someone pregnant in Target.  when I see a pregnancy announcement.  But you know what?  I'm okay.  I am clinging to the only solid truth I know. God is enough for me.  He is enough to lift me from this. 

I heard a song this week that has been on REPEAT for me.  It's made me sob.  It's made me praise.  It's made me smile.  Have you heard of the song-writers, Shane and Shane?  They are incredible. I saw them in concert a few times while I was in college at Texas A&M and this song just popped up on a friend's facebook wall.    John Piper did a collaboration with them on this song and spoke a little from one of his messages titled "Do Not Lose Heart".  Read these words.

They are so true in my life right now.

[Not only is all your affliction momentary, not only is all your affliction light in comparison to eternity and the glory there. But all of it is totally meaningful. Every millisecond of your pain, from the fallen nature or fallen man, every millisecond of your misery in the path of obedience is producing a peculiar glory you will get because of that.

I don’t care if it was cancer or criticism. I don’t care if it was slander or sickness. It wasn’t meaningless. It’s doing something! It’s not meaningless. Of course you can’t see what it’s doing. Don’t look to what is seen.

When your mom dies, when your kid dies, when you’ve got cancer at 40, when a car careens into the sidewalk and takes her out, don’t say, “That’s meaningless!” It’s not. It’s working for you an eternal weight of glory.

Therefore, therefore, do not lose heart. But take these truths and day by day focus on them. Preach them to yourself every morning. Get alone with God and preach his word into your mind until your heart sings with confidence that you are new and cared for.]

EVERY millisecond of my pain is producing a glory.  Man, that's so comforting to know MY story will be glorified.

It doesn't necessarily take away my hurt, but it softens it.  

Please listen to this song.  I hope it speaks to you as it did me.  Even if you aren't going through the same as me, it's such a beautiful redemption song.

If you can't view it well below, click this link.  

I am going to share a part of an email that a dear friend wrote to me.  It made me cry, but it also comforted me in a way that I needed so badly.

"  one child will always live in your heart.  you will always see him, or her, at random times in random places.  you will always remember dates and feelings and memories.  You will always wish for them, but you will not always hurt.  you have a baby in Heaven, already with God, and you and Seth will be with that child, and Winslow and any others, for all of eternity.  do not let anyone or anything minimize your pain, your loss, and later, your joy in this child.  do not force yourself to do so either. "

this was so helpful to me.  I felt that my miscarriage was such an "invisible loss" that no one really could sympathize with me about.  No one knew or saw the baby, but it was still such a REAL loss for our family.  and I'm not going to let anyone make me feel like it was less than that.

Again, thank you for the sweet words and prayers. Having little W running around and climbing on the kitchen table also lessens the pain when I look and see that I have the most perfect little boy to call my own.  <3 br="" nbsp="">

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