17 January 2017

Mama said there would be days like this.

I wanted to wave the white flag of surrender today.  The baby got up three times last night, the toddler wanted to start his day before the sun was up, and frankly, I woke up exhausted.

By the time Seth got home from work, my patience was gone, the kids were both terribly grumpy and all I wanted to do was escape to Starbucks and mindlessly scroll through tabloids (which I am pretty much doing now).

Sometimes the days are LONG and hard.  Sometimes I want to pull out my hair by 10am.  Why isn't the house clean? Why can't the kids put themselves to bed or cook their own dinner? 

Just because I'm having a crap day doesn't mean I'm a bad mom.  It doesn't mean I don't love my kids.

My bad day doesn't define me. 

I will wake up tomorrow and thank the Lord for his mercy.  I will ask for forgiveness for yelling a little too loud at my children. For being impatient when all he wanted was to read the same book for the 934th time.  For wanting to scream when the baby knocks over the dog water bowl over and over again (you'd think I'd learn how to put it up high) or has a mouthful of dog food. 

Motherhood is so sanctifying and humbling. I have learned that parenthood is not about being easy.  God uses it to strip away our independence and reveal our sin that keeps us from abiding in Him.  The impatience, the irritability, the selfishness, the discontent. He is refining me daily, and boy does he use my kids as a vessel.  ;) While painful at times and definitely uncomfortable, the sanctifying work of parenthood has been good and necessary. 

I came across this , i can't remember the source:( , but  think it's spot on.

"Many people describe marriage as the laboratory where our spiritual growth is fostered and developed. I find it to be equally true of parenting as well. God has used parenting in my life to refine and change me in ways I had not anticipated. He’s given me a child who requires more than I was trained to handle so that I would depend on him and not my own strength. I’ve also learned things about myself I never knew and have seen things in my heart I never wanted to see. I’ve come face to face with sins I didn’t know were buried deep inside. And then God opened my eyes to see that something else was going on beneath the surface of my parenting challenges. I learned the reason why parenthood is often so hard — God uses parenthood to strip away our independence and the sin that keeps us from abiding in him. My true need wasn’t to find the perfect ‘get your child to sleep’ system or the best potty training program or even the top ten ways to get my kids to clean up after themselves, rather it was to see my desperate need to rely on the grace of God. Many times I sought joy and contentment in how perfectly behaved my children are or how smoothly my day went. Yet God knew that what I needed most is only found in him."

So on these days where I want to throw in the towel, I find myself praising the Lord for his steadfast love and forgiveness.  For new mercies and grace.

Keep on keeping on, mommas.  You are raising tiny disciples.  Your work is the most important thing right now and God has called you to this by no mistake.  The challenges you face always point to Him and he is refining you through them.  He takes our ashes and makes them beautiful.

You can do it.  Breathe in and breathe out.  And have a little chocolate and caffeine while you're at it.

12 January 2017


So I know EVERYONE always says this but I'm going to just join the crowd:

I don't really make resolutions.

They never work for me really.  It'll be February and they'll be out the window by then, so I don't even get my hopes up that I will stick with them.

BUT! I do like to make small goals for myself and the new year is a great reason to think extra hard about them.  So that's what I did.  And I'm writing them down in hopes that once I meet that goal, I can check them off and pat myself on the back.

1. Read.  period.  I used to be such an avid reader. (before I had these little tiny humans) and I am really hoping I can get back in the swing of things.  I feel that I'm just a happier/ more relaxed person when I am actively reading and I also gain knowledge in the process. I have several books on my list and while I'm not going to say "I want to read ______ books this year", I will say my goal is AT least one a month.  Right now I am reading"The Invention of Wings" and it is GREAT.  I love reading about the 1800's and slavery so this one is the perfect book to kickstart my goal.  A few more on my list are:

- Open by Andre Agassi
- Orphan Train by Christina Baker Kline
- Present over Perfect by Shauna Neiquist
-Magnolia Story by Chip and Joanna Gaines
-The Unhealthy Truth by Robyn O'Brien
-Grace not Perfection by Emily Ley
-The Kitchen House by Kathleen Grissom

Are there any that you've read that need to be on my list?

2. Be less RUSHED. For some reason, I've always struggled with being in a HURRY.  I am always in a hurry to get to preschool, to church, home for naps, here for this or that and I just want to slow down. Yes, it's important to be on time, but I need to make steps to make my life easier so I won't always feel like I am running here and there.  Especially on the weekends, we will just be at home and it'll be 9:30 AM and I'll already be thinking "I need to hurry and get Hogan down for his nap!" or "oh man! I need to hurry and think about lunch."  And really, it's not that big of a deal.  So basically, I need to tell myself to take a chill pill more.

3.  Time for myself.  This one is hard.  Seth does a WONDERFUL job of letting me go to Target by myself (hello, this is a dream!)  and even on the weekend, I occasionally get to sneak off to Starbucks, but I want this to become a regular occurance.  Even if that means hiring a sitter for a couple hours to just retreat and relax.  I need that time to refuel and reset my nice mommy radar. ;)

4.  Less phone time.  It's just the world we live in, but is it REALLY? Yes and no.  My personal goal is to quit aimlessly scrolling through instagram/facebook/snapchat when I'm with my kids. I've thought about deleting the app during the day and reinstalling it in the evening.  I don't know, it just seems to always be there when I have a moment of free time, and I don't like it.  Sometimes I feel enslaved to it.  Crazy, but true.  I want to be PRESENT for my boys and never want them to say "mommy, put your phone down and play" or something along those lines.  They thankfully haven't said that yet, but it's coming if I don't make it more intentional to not get on it.  My boys are my #1 prority, not that cute dress that is on sale for $20 that Sally Mae is wearing in the snow.  (where did I even come up with that?"

5. Cleaner house.  Because why not?

6. Successful business- I'm drafting up a post now that's all about my new shop, Green Door Goods, so I'm not going to go into too much detail now, but I am hoping that I can bless others with my creative gifts and in return, help save up for my newest "want": A MINIVAN.  YES, I am totally hoping to be that MINIVAN MOM. No shame.

So...cheers to new goals and just because I can't leave y'all without a cute photo of my boys..here you go.

(If you look really close at Winslow's nose...he fell face first on the concrete the day before this was taken. Way to go, bud!)

09 January 2017

Texas in November.

Since I haven't updated in a while, I wanted to share some photos from our last visit to my dad and stepmom's house/farm.  We love going there because Winslow adores being on the farm with 100 acres to roam.  My dad has goats, chickens, a recently got two PIGS for Christmas. HAHA!  He is a doctor by day and a farmer in ALL of his spare time (like a total of 30 minutes per week really) Okay, that's an exaggeration, but he doesn't sleep much!  He's the best grandpa to my boys.  We are lucky to have him.

Here are just a few of my favorites from our week there.